Playing the links

The man whose giant freak arms exploded

Back in the day, when my aunt and uncle owned a gym and I was a hormone-powered teenager, I decided that I wanted to get buffed-up, super-ripped and beefcakely, and started weight-training pretty heavily. Unfortunately, I was born to be a skinny streak of proverbial and thus, never really got anywhere. But I'll take my scrawny look over the one which Gregg Valentino crafted for himself through years of steroid abuse. If you haven't seen or heard of Gregg before - and I'm...(read more)

Female fighter chokes reporter unconscious during interview

We journalists are known for occasionally putting ourselves in harm's way in the name of the job. I once had someone threaten to break both my legs in the course of a story, and the Angry Blonde was threatened with death during one particularly fiery police raid she was covering. Aaron Tru didn't just get threatened though. In the course of an interview with top female mixed martial arts fighter Cristiane 'Cyborg' Santos, he got choked the f out. The interview is a little...(read more)

Tiger Woods and Roger Federer - both great, but who's the best?

Time limitations mean there's no links in today's post - just a question. In light of Roger Federer's win at the French Open yesterday - which in my mind makes him the greatest tennis player of all time -who is is the best athlete of this generation? I wrote the following column on Friday, before Federer claimed the French title, and that win just adds fuel to the discussion. So have a read, then let me know what you think - and if I'm ignoring any other contenders for the crown..... ...(read more)

Cricketer kills pigeon with throw, we get super slo-mo replays...

I've never made any secret of the fact that I don't particularly like cricket. Too stuffy, too toffy, not enough athleticism required. But if I were this unfortunate pigeon, killed by a throw from Jacques Rudolph in a recent Twenty20 game between Yorkshire and Lancashire, I'd hate it even more. And did we really need to see numerous slow-mo replays of the bird getting beaned and the resultant excrement explosion? The reaction of the fans - much hilarity - is another reason I can't ever see me...(read more)

My end of season awards: Goal of the season

With tears in my eyes and a heart heavier than Ivan Campo after a full english, I'm forced to acknowledge the end of the English football season. Of course, the end of the season usually brings awards - PFA, FA, UEFA all of that - but those amateur shindigs surely pale into insignificance when compared to the first annual Playing the Links football awards. Where to start? Well, as I plan to stretch a few posts out of this - rather than inflict paragraph upon paragraph of...(read more)

Lingerie football - sport or cheap thrill?

There's no doubt that the face of sports is changing. New school pursuits like competitive eating, chess-boxing and disc golf are all vying for credibility and coverage along with many others as 'sports' - but lingerie football? I jest not. From the blog that brought you news that pole-dancing is officially a sport - it has European Championships and everything - now comes the revelation that lingerie football is going to happen. And I'm not talking football, football - this is football American...(read more)

The miracle healing power of football and a great video game is set to return....

SPORT can make us feel good. Fact. When Derby last got promoted to the Premier League - before becoming officially the worst team ever - I was so full of joy that I kissed a man on the cheek. I also felt like I was happy-drunk for about a week afterwards (although to be fair, I probably was - many Stellas were sunk on that bank holiday Monday). But it seems that sport can also perform miracles of healing too, and not just of the Didier Drogba "I've broken my leg ref, that's a...(read more)

How not to clear after a penalty save, and Ricky Hatton gets rocked...

Picture the scene. You're the goalkeeper facing a penalty in the dying minutes of a heated match. It's the old hero or zero time of reckoning.

You leap heroically to your right, stretching every sinew in your uncoiled body to save the penalty down low. The effort required and difficulty of the save means you can only parry the shot, and you brace yourself for the fast-approaching attacker's follow-up netbuster.

But wait. Your defender has reacted quicker, and is steaming towards the ball with wide eyes and grim determination, timing the bounce ready to blast the sphere out of play and into orbit.

You relax, relishing the yet-to-be enjoyed glory of the penalty save which will surely wash over you as soon as your man makes firm contact with the ball.

And this happens. Lordy.

It could be worse though - you could be Ricky Hatton, recovering after a devastating knock-out in the biggest fight of your career, a fight many expected you to win against the odds.

I was one of those people, placing a small wager on our Rick and excitedly waiting up until about 5am on Sunday morning to watch it pay off.

But I had barely cracked open my beer before Fillipino buzzsaw Manny Pacquiao connected with one of the sweetest KO punches I have ever seen, sending Ricky to the land of nod before he even hit the canvas.

If you haven't seen it, there's a slow-mo replay here. The quality is not great, but it's tought to find on the web!

Crushed as I was that Ricky had seemingly abandoned all semblance of a game plan in a bid to try and simply steamroll over Pac-Man, I knew that there would be thousands across the world celebrating the victory.

This family certainly enjoyed the fight. And why not - Manny is an icon to his people and a nicer bloke you could not hope to meet.

Just don't ask him to sing. And yes, he has had three number one songs in the Phillipines. Love is blind - and deaf apparently.

Cheers!

DO NOT mess with Roy Keane, and a trick to try down the swimming pool...

Deep breath....and relax. What a week it's been in old Ipswich Town - Simon Clegg arrives, Jim Magilton gets axed and Roy the saviour sweeps into Portman Road fully-armed with his patented dead-eyed killer stare, iron-jawed determination and not to be f'd with attitude. He was, of course, minus his trademark scruffy beard. More on that later.... Yep, it's been a breathless week in the throbbing, white-hot newsrooms of the Anglian and Evening Star. Thus the delay in-between postings. News never stops...(read more)

Ronaldinho's younger sister plays for Ipswich and some cycling carnage

Go with me on this. Imagine for a moment that ankle-breaking Brazilian footballing genius Ronaldinho was to have a younger sister who also played the beautiful game.

Imagine said sister also got on the books at Barcelona before moving to Tottenham in an ill-fated move which saw the younger Gaucho languishing in the reserves.

Then a surprise loan deal to Ipswich Town and beautiful Portman Road was secured, bringing Ronnie junior to Suffolk and rave reviews.

Wouldn't Ronaldinho's younger sister look almost exactly like this? I would imagine so, but let me know what you think.

In other news this week, the superb sport of cycling has once again attracted controversy after a bit of shirt-pulling saw a race leader soak up some serious road rash. Watch the yellow jersey in the lower left-hand corner. Smash.

A nasty spill, but at least Daryl Impey managed to get up and win the race. Unlike Laurent Jalabert back in le Tour 1994, when a policeman decided to try and get a cheeky extreme close-up snap for the family.

That still makes me wince. I was convinced at the time that I'd just seen a man killed, but fortunately LJ - who was the most seriously hurt rider - did recover and went on to enjoy a famous career on the bike.

Just one question remains though - what happened to the copper's picture?

Cheers!

Video game styles help knock a man spark out, plus a football coach goes on the rampage

Regular readers of this blog will know that I'm more than a bit partial to a spot of mixed martial arts (MMA) action and this weekend, while trying to avoid chocolate at all costs - less than three months now before I make an honest woman of the Angry Blonde and a fat groom is not a good look - I discovered an incredible highlight reel knock out. A small hall show in Canada earlier this month saw Capoeira fighter Marcus Aurelio pitted against Keegan Marshall, and it did not last long. No surprise...(read more)

Breaking wind will get you booked, plus the goal of the season

There are many ways to attempt to distract a penalty taker as they stride up to the spot, from the good old macho staredown to the Grobbelaar wobbly legs, time-wasting ploys and straight forward smack-talking. I had never heard of this tactic though - but it may be my favourite story of the last few weeks. Is this the strangest reason for a yellow card ever? Should bodily emissions be a bookable offence? And if so, what warrants a straight red? The mind boggles. ...(read more)

Questionable sporting lookalikes and the best website in the world....

It's strange how things can capture your imagination. They stick in your head, rendering you unable to think of much else and have a habit of popping into the already overcrowded brain at the most inconvenient of times. This is happening to me - I'm seeing lookalikes for sporting personalities everywhere. I blame my colleague and Green 'Un TV star Stuart Watson - who demands only blue skittles and tepid water be served to him while in the GU studio - for sparking this current irksome...(read more)

The best sports adverts of all time? Discuss

Like a lot of games involving Ipswich Town these days, most adverts are annoying, dull and instantly forgettable. But some are unquestioned classics, and a good proportion of those feature sports in some way. Thus, instead of spending an evening watching Hollyoaks and Casualty with the Angry Blonde, I decided to track down the best - that I can remember. No doubt I have missed many contenders for the Advert Hall of Fame, but that's the beauty of a blog - you can mock my list and question my intelligence while...(read more)

Pole dancing IS a sport - here's the proof

In recent years, the line which divides sport and non-sport has become increasingly blurred. Pretenders to the sporting panatheon are numerous and growing by the day - disc golf, paintball, competitive eating, dodgeball, the list gets ever longer. But I would never have considered the noble art of pole dancing to be a sport - until now. It seems my belief that pole dancing spectators end up hotter and sweatier than the participants (so I'm told) is perhaps a little archaic. Because pole...(read more)