DO NOT mess with Roy Keane, and a trick to try down the swimming pool...

Deep breath....and relax. What a week it's been in old Ipswich Town - Simon Clegg arrives, Jim Magilton gets axed and Roy the saviour sweeps into Portman Road fully-armed with his patented dead-eyed killer stare, iron-jawed determination and not to be f'd with attitude. He was, of course, minus his trademark scruffy beard. More on that later....

Yep, it's been a breathless week in the throbbing, white-hot newsrooms of the Anglian and Evening Star. Thus the delay in-between postings. News never stops and all that.

But let's get to it. When Keane was finally unveiled as the new Blues boss after two days of rumours and whispers, one thought passed through my mind. Or rather, one quote.

Those words - "take that, you ****" - are probably the most famous to be associated with the volcanic Irishman. He was referring, of course, to the unfortunate Alfie-Inge Haaland.

Now, I know everyone's seen it, but the footage has to be worth re-living. What we have here is Roy remembering that revenge is a dish best served cold, with a healthy side-salad of PAIN. Poor old Alfie.

Nope, Roy Keane is not a man to be trifled with. A lesson that I'm sure the Ipswich Town boys are learning now, and fast.

Just one more clip, should you be left in any doubt. This one sees Keano leave Patrick Viera - no softie himself - looking genuinely unsettled after an in-tunnel slanging match. Roy was apparently leaping to the defence of Gary Neville, which should also serve as a warning to any foe thinking of tangling with any member of the Blue Army.

This one does come with a potty mouth warning though - please do not watch it if you're likely to be offended by the dropping of multiple F-bombs and some angry finger-pointing action. 

And so to the beard. I greatly enjoyed the insight offered this week by much-decorated Ipswich Olympian Karen Pickering, who revealed that her contacts in Sunderland believe one can gauge Tractor Roy's mood by the state of his facial hair. No beard = happy Roy. Beard = Roy rage. It will be interesting to test that thesis next season...

Above all of this though, one has to remember one thing. Roy Keane is a winner, and Ipswich Town are better for having him. I don't even follow the Town, and I'm excited.

Now for something completely different and, as the blog title promised, something for you to try at home. If you have a pool.

American footballer Jarron Gilbert became something of a Youtube sensation in the run-up to last weekend's NFL draft when footage emerged of him leaping from the shallow end of a swimming pool in a single bound.

It even helped his career, as the Chicago Bears drafted him amid much hype about his quite extraordinary athletic ability. Remember, this is a 6ft 5ins tall, 20-and-a-half stone man.

Such was the furore I even got swept along and, during my thrice-weekly swim last night, decided that I'd have a go at the feat. Fortunately, I realised at the last minute that I have all the athletic ability of a drunken, maimed woodlouse and would surely have a) smashed up my knees like my name was Alfie Inge-Haaland and b) rendered my soon-to-be-married face a mask of blood, bruises and breaks. And, as the Angry Blonde often reminds me, I'm no Adonis to begin with.

Right, that's me for this post. Have a good one, one and all.

Cheers!